inkskinned:

the same thing happens every five months. i promise myself im going to get better. i buy a new notebook. i colorcode my lists. i take notes. i go to the gym and i eat healthy and i text my friends.

and one by one, effortless, i watch myself drop them again. my notebook becomes scribbles and what is wrong with me, why can’t i wake up? what is the point of a list, i’m not going to do it. notes are nothing, i’m not going to look back at them anyway. the gym is too tiring and i just want to eat whatever i can and my friends aren’t even really my friends, they’re just people who tolerate having me around. 

sometimes the crawling back … just feels like too much. the cycle again, the new “this time i’ll be enough.”