inkskinned:

you want, but the want has no direction. like this, the want is endless. the universe has no shape; is this not the same? the yearning will expand out of you and out of your bones and out of your control. your life is beautiful and there is so much to be grateful for and still - that ache. is it loneliness? is it boredom? is it restlessness? is it cruel?

in your journal, on every other page, you find yourself writing the same thing. i just want to be loved. the universe is loving, you tell yourself. you are loved. but the hole still yawns and the desire still ekes out and the hollow still rings, over and over. your ex told you once - all the love in the world won’t fill you up because there’s no bottom to your cup.

it is a beautiful day. it is a beautiful life. there are so many beautiful things and beautiful people, and knowing this - knowing that this is true, and you should be happy - does not stop it. the want continues, and it has no shape, and you drown in it. a thirst that no liquid ever learns to slake. just this, just ache.